Factor 1: The threat of home invasion

For most kid parties, the biggest outlay of cash goes toward paying for an arena-size venue. A whole lot of money could be saved if more people held parties in their own homes. Of course, this is New York, where a 600-square-foot studio with a pair of dressing screens can be sold as a three-bedroom—everyone will tell you they can’t fit scores of children in their place. But we shouldn’t be asking “Where can I fit 25 kids?” We should be asking “Why am I inviting 25 kids?” A whole world of smaller venues would open up to us if we didn’t feel compelled to invite every single one of our child’s classmates.

I’ll let you in on a secret: Your child doesn’t even like all those kids. By inviting everyone in your preschooler’s class, you’re actually punishing him by forcing him to spend his birthday with the bully who likes to drop chewed Gummi bears down his shirt. Cut the guest list. Allow your child to choose whom he wants to spend his special day with. And explain to him that he shouldn’t rub it in the faces of the kids who aren’t invited. Some children may be disappointed when they learn they didn’t make the cut, but that’s only because they’ve come to expect that everybody goes to every party. Let them learn the difference between a private affair and a field trip.

One Brooklyn mom told me the story of her son’s favorite party ever. “We had dinner out for his eighth birthday with just three other kids,” she said. “My husband and I took a booth out of their sight line, so they felt like they were eating by themselves. They loved it.”