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Single Parent Guide
When my husband left me for his secret coworker girlfriend while I was pregnant, I felt like an alien. We’d been partners for seven years, and suddenly my life was filled with Jerry Springer drama. This was not supposed to happen. Husbands who pierced their ears, bought sports cars or took off with girlfriends were middle-aged, not mere youths of 30. Not only was I devastated over the end of my marriage, I was also scared witless at the prospect of embarking on parenthood solo.
So, like any modern woman in search of answers, I turned to Google. And I found that nearly 11 million single mothers live in the United States today—four of every ten babies, in fact, are born to single moms. The number of solo dads has skyrocketed, almost doubling between 1990 and 2006 to about 2 million. In NYC alone, according to recent census figures, single parents head some 350,000 households. Experts estimate that in the coming years, one in every two kids will live with a single parent at some point. The upshot? The all-American ideal of two parents and 2.5 kids is fading fast.
“No one today is handing you a scarlet A because you are an unmarried parent,” says sociologist Rosanna Hertz, a Wellesley College professor and the author of Single by Chance, Mothers by Choice: How Women Are Choosing Parenthood Without Marriage and Creating the New American Family (Oxford University Press, $26). But despite learning I was part of an important and increasingly influential demographic group, in the early days of my daughter’s life seemingly every Bugaboo I passed was squired by a loving daddy peering alternately at his tired, glowing wife and tiny, cooing baby. I cried to my ob-gyn during my post-baby checkup, legs splayed in stirrups, about how alone I felt. “If you only knew how many stories like yours I hear every day,” she assured me. This was supposed to make me feel better, and eventually it did. But it’s taken me two years to really appreciate that NYC is home to tons of single parents, of all ages, races and income brackets.
Stories of how the city’s single parents came to the role are as varied as our takeout menu options. Wilson from Washington Heights, for instance, became a single father two years ago, after the Department of Social Services contacted him to take custody of the three-year-old son whose existence he hadn’t known of—while his boyfriend was away on vacation. Then there are dads like Sam on the Upper West Side, whose wife died when their daughter, Rachel, was two. Across town, single mom Diana adopted her daughter, Isabel, from Russia. There are gut-wrenching divorces and amicable splits. David and his ex-wife, for example, are each committed to keeping house down the street from the other’s Bronx home so that their twins, Nicolas and Sofia, can easily spend alternate weeks living with them.
Despite our diverse backstories, we single parents have a lot in common. Though it’s easy to relate to married couples when the subject is Dora or preschool admissions, only another single parent really gets what it’s like to go through the day without a partner to turn to and confide, “Hey, babe, I’m afraid I’m screwing the kid up.” Here’s what I’ve learned from experts and parents who’ve been there.
NEXT: MONEY (REALLY) MATTERS »
Time Out New York Kids / Issue 28 : Feb 1–29, 2008
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I have been a single mom from the beginning. My first trip with my son was when he was 2 months old to Atlanta, since we have travelled to Hawaii,Paris, London, Brazil, and Canada and lots of domestic destinations. He loves to fly and now that he is older 5 years his appreciation for the experience is outstanding.
Single parenting takes much creativity and an open mind. I have a 9 yr old beautiful daughter. With all the obstacles I've encountered, I've realized I'd rather be a single mother, than no mother at all. I would like some information on traveling as a single parent. That's one journey I have yet to embark on. Thanx :)
Since long time ago I have this idea in sharing a mutual benefit between me (who need a marriage visa) to any single parent lady who want to trust her child(ren) to be raised together with a truly kind, kids lover and filanthrophy guy like me. I'm an Indonesian biologist Living in Bali Island. I graduated from the best university in Indonesia 7 years ago. I do love children and for four years I've been doing a lot helping my widowed landlady taking care her little two sons. I really looking for a woman who really need help in parenting together for her child(ren) through marriage (so that I can be relocate to your country and live with/near you). Please, any ladies interested in this idea, please do not hesitate to contact me and I would really welcome if you need to chat and keep in touch. Please send email to * littlewings76 -at- Yahoo com *
You article touched in so many aspects of my life; I am a single, full-time mother, employer and student and although, I agree NYC is one of the greatest city to have a child; It can also be very isolating and costly. I struggle with all of the topics illutrated in the article. I thanked god for my family, friends and the wonderful school my daughter goes to. As a single, divorse parent I am now learning to take care of myself and enjoying the beauty of having a healthy and beautiful girl.
i'm glad this article was written. i am linking to this on a website myself and my boyfriend launched in april called www.hugemistake.net we're two single parents (with children the same age) who met last year and have been telling our unique story on how we met and have been updating daily our lives since then. again, thanks for posting this. single parenting isn't easy and can be isolating. every little thing helps!
Thanks, very informative.
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Excellent article giving you lots of advice on being a single parent.
Thank you for shedding light on such a large demograpic that feels like such an island when you are going through it. It is nice to know that you are not alone and share advise on making it a little easier to be a single parent in 2008.