Separate but equal?

FOR BOTH OF YOU
Accept that you’ll have to compromise. To effectively share parenting, you may have to let go of other goals. Because Richards and her husband made child-rearing a priority, they had to give up a degree of long-term financial security. If one partner is less involved at home, he or she is freer to work late nights, schedule client dinners and, presumably, climb his or her chosen ladder. Personal time and access to friends are common casualties of an equal divide. But, Richards says, “compromising feels like sacrifice only when one person has to do all of the sacrificing. If that duty is mutually shared, if feels less like a burden.”

Don’t move out of the city. And not just because you can’t find decent Thai in the burbs. When it comes to equal partnership in parenting, Richards firmly believes that city life eases the way. Urban amenities make being a working parent more convenient in NYC—with grocery-delivery services, 24-hour pharmacies, extended school day options, nannies, and plenty of coffeeshops, parks and shared spaces where parents can commune. And there’s an intangible element that gives NYC parents a leg up on their suburban and rural counterparts. “People here are more fierce about holding on to their personal identity,” argues Richards. Which means they’re less likely, she says, to lose themselves in any Leave It to Beaver–ish Mom or Dad roles.