Glamour Queen
Pros: She’s adorable to look at and will teach your kids the latest dance moves.
Cons: May be seen walking around in her underwear.
Medicine Woman
Pros: She has a natural cure for everything and knows what to do with those weird root vegetables at Whole Foods.
Cons: Don’t be surprised if she coaches you to roll an egg up and down your son’s feverish body to “suck out the virus.”
Grandma
Pros: She loves your kids like her own, is very safety conscious and you can’t imagine her stealing a dime.
Cons: Baking, not tag, will be the dominant afternoon activity. May need cab fare to make it to school dismissal on time.
Amelia Bedelia
Pros: Exceptionally good-natured and earnest, she’s ready and willing to do anything you ask.
Cons: There’s no instruction that can’t be misunderstood. She’ll think catching a bus involves a chase.
The Yes Woman
Pros: The name says it all. She smiles and says she’ll comply with every restriction you impose on your kids.
Cons: When you return, the television’s been on, not off-limits, and your kids’ teeth are stained from treats she bought in the park.
The Peer
Pros: Looks, acts and talks like you but is ten years younger. Her stories will let you live vicariously through her life.
Cons: It’s hard to have authority over someone who’s now your best friend.
No Pulse
Pros: Very calm. You expect her presence will be soothing to your Type A children.
Cons: Will not form an emotional connection to you, your kids or even your pets.
Good Enough
Pros: She does what you ask, nothing less, nothing more. Your munchkin likes her well enough.
Cons: Your munchkin likes her only well enough. She’s usually overly attached to her cell phone, nanny friends and the playground bench.
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